She didn’t drink. She didn’t smoke either.
But she indulged the taste of alcohol on your lips. Some days she was drunk on more than one thing. She was drunk on love. Drunk on the idea of you. Drunk on the alcohol that almost always lingered in your mouth.
She indulged the coughing fits she had when you intentionally puffed cigarette smoke into her face. She didn’t like it when you did that, but you did it anyways to irk her. Sometimes she would sit only inches away from you and watch as you inhaled the nicotene. She’d ask how it made you feel and you would laugh, saying she could never understand.
She didn’t like noise. She didn’t like violence even more.
Yet she indulged loitering with you in a bar. You would wrap your arms around her and stare into her eyes. You thought that if she focussed on you it would drown the noise. It would drown the world. She would drown in you.
She indulged pulling you out of fights whenever you went out. You were mostly peaceful but would get violent if any man made inappropriate comments about her, or tried to make advances towards her. You always said no one should be privileged enough to know who she really was. No one but you.
Because despite all your bad habits she was still yours. And you had never said it before, but you loved her.
I only wish you could see the ambers that burn in the depths of my darkened heart because of you.
I wish you could hear the thoughts I have of you when the night is still and the moon is bright.
I wish you could feel the shivers that resonate through my entire person when you touch me, even if it’s by accident.
Cigarette smoke and crumpled papers
Broken records and bad poetry
Bleeding nose and stained tissues
Crooked smile and throbbing heart.
Purple petals and painted walls.
Forced laughter and fading hope
Longing heart and teary eyes
Flower crown and reddened lips.
Bad jokes and quick remarks
Bright sunsets and pale moonlight
Twinkling stars and city lights
Long hugs and stolen kisses.
She wanted to be different…
So one day she adorned a cloak as red as Snow White’s lips, and it dragged on the floor behind her.
They laughed at her, and made a mockery of her, and shamed her in the hallways.
Loving you hurt in every way. It grabbed my heart and shredded it into pieces. It wrapped it’s icy fingers around my neck and pressed harder than it should. It forced me on my knees until they bled.
Loving you… Loving you hurt more than it should. It held me under water until I inhaled the cold liquid. It collided with my cheek until fires burned in my face and I tasted blood in my mouth. It tugged at my hair and pulled out loose strands.
It lingered in my mind even when you were gone. It left bruises in my mind and in my heart. It was the death of me.