Tired

I cry daily. I guess… I guess I’m just tired. Tired of the usual routine. Tired of the usual faces. Tired of the disappointments. Tired of life screwing me over. Tired of not having anyone to talk to. Tired of the failure. Tired of being alone.

I’m tired of the pain. Tired of trying to be a good person but getting a shit load in return. Tired of being strong when there’s no one to be strong for me. Tired of always trying to live up to everyone’s expectations. Tired of the verbal abuse. Tired of being misunderstood.

I can’t be strong anymore… Please take me home.

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You

I don’t want to be afraid.

I want to fall in love with you over, and over, and over again. I want to forget about the world and drown in your sweet embrace. I want to see your soul, the real you, and not the shell you show everybody else.

I want to slow dance with you to soft, old jazz songs. I want to hold your hand because mine fits so perfectly in yours. I want to tangle and untangle your coarse hair while your head rests on my lap.

I want to watch your face light up as you talk about the things you love. I want to be compelled to smile when you smile. I want to take night walks with you, walks that lead no where but it wouldn’t matter because I’m with you. I want to watch the stars with you while we’re laying in an old van in the outskirts of town.

I want to be brave. I want you.

Caged Mind

Fireflies glowed in the jar she had so carefully imprisoned them in. Like them, all she desired was to conquer the darkness with the fire that violently roared within her heart. But people did not understand. People wanted her caged.

All this because most people lusted after a free, wild mind, but they were yet to master how to acquire it.

Escape

Dew drops on frizzy, coppery hair. 

Running through open meadows under clear blue skies while laughter echoes.

Sniffing and plucking lavender flowers as the purple stains pale denim jeans and white t-shirts.

Pretending there’s liquor in the styrofoam cups and not homemade lemonade.

Staring at nothing in particular but seeing everything all at once. Because… well… it’s all in your head.

Needs

Teeth sink into dry lips.

I need water. No. I need you to stop staring at me. I need you to avert your gaze from my eyes. I need you to let go of my hand. I need you to stop fixating on me as though I was the only creature in this damned world. I need you…

Shaky hands touch damp skin.

I need a towel. No. I need you to love me. I need you to hold me until daybreak. I need you tell me that everything’s going to be alright. I need you to tell me bad jokes and silly stories. I need you…

… maybe I just need you. 

Sigh.

Roads

But this road leads nowhere.”

“You don’t know that. It could lead everywhere.”

“Or nowhere. At all.”

“It shouldn’t really matter now, should it? I mean we could go anywhere as long as you’re here with me.”

Bad Habits

She didn’t drink. She didn’t smoke either.

But she indulged the taste of alcohol on your lips. Some days she was drunk on more than one thing. She was drunk on love. Drunk on the idea of you. Drunk on the alcohol that almost always lingered in your mouth.

She indulged the coughing fits she had when you intentionally puffed cigarette smoke into her face. She didn’t like it when you did that, but you did it anyways to irk her. Sometimes she would sit only inches away from you and watch as you inhaled the nicotene. She’d ask how it made you feel and you would laugh, saying she could never understand.

She didn’t like noise. She didn’t like violence even more.

Yet she indulged loitering with you in a bar. You would wrap your arms around her and stare into her eyes. You thought that if she focussed on you it would drown the noise. It would drown the world. She would drown in you.

She indulged pulling you out of fights whenever you went out. You were mostly peaceful but would get violent if any man made inappropriate comments about her, or tried to make advances towards her. You always said no one should be privileged enough to know who she really was. No one but you.

Because despite all your bad habits she was still yours. And you had never said it before, but you loved her.

“INCANDESCENT”

I only wish you could see the ambers that burn in the depths of my darkened heart because of you.

I wish you could hear the thoughts I have of you when the night is still and the moon is bright.

I wish you could feel the shivers that resonate through my entire person when you touch me, even if it’s by accident.

I only wish you knew how reckless I am for you. How utterly insane you make me.