Safe

Some days I simply miss you.

Other days… when the clouds are grey and the sun is out of sight… When I look up at the night sky and there are no stars twinkling in the dark… When the wind howls so violently, mourning for its lost love… when the world is crazy and there is too much noise… When tears fall from eyes when I’m all alone… 

Those days I miss you terribly.

I cling onto the memory of you holding me in your arms. It’s safe in your arms. The world is quiet. The wind is calm. The moon is shining. The stars are plenty. And you smell like the wet earth after so much rain.

My world is an insane place but it’s so much better with you in it. So please stay with me. Please hold me. Please make it all go away. Make me happy. Keep me safe.

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Don’t Forget About Me

Memories are queer little things.

I can still feel your lips on my skin. I can still see your eyes staring at me. I can still hear your laughter resonating through my ears. I can still feel my heart pounding beneath my chest, beating faster than it normally does simply because you’re seated across from me. I can still feel myself smiling as I listen to your chatter. I can still sense your scent wafting into my nostrils. I can still feel myself fighting the urge to reach out and touch your face, to touch your hand… I can still feel myself getting lost in your arms. “Hold me forever.” still lingers on my tongue.

But I’m slowly forgetting and you’re slowly fading.

I don’t want to forget you.

Crazy and The Poet

We sat in front of the fireplace huddled beneath a blanket with your arms wrapped tightly around me and a bottle of moët in my hand. The fire crackled and the wind whistled melodies through the open window. You reeked of old books and stale cigarettes, and I of hospitals and prescription drugs. Neither of us said a word because we were complete in our silence and we were content with who we were. “Crazy and The Poet” they called us, simply because we were broken but at least we had each other.

Tired

I cry daily. I guess… I guess I’m just tired. Tired of the usual routine. Tired of the usual faces. Tired of the disappointments. Tired of life screwing me over. Tired of not having anyone to talk to. Tired of the failure. Tired of being alone.

I’m tired of the pain. Tired of trying to be a good person but getting a shit load in return. Tired of being strong when there’s no one to be strong for me. Tired of always trying to live up to everyone’s expectations. Tired of the verbal abuse. Tired of being misunderstood.

I can’t be strong anymore… Please take me home.

You

I don’t want to be afraid.

I want to fall in love with you over, and over, and over again. I want to forget about the world and drown in your sweet embrace. I want to see your soul, the real you, and not the shell you show everybody else.

I want to slow dance with you to soft, old jazz songs. I want to hold your hand because mine fits so perfectly in yours. I want to tangle and untangle your coarse hair while your head rests on my lap.

I want to watch your face light up as you talk about the things you love. I want to be compelled to smile when you smile. I want to take night walks with you, walks that lead no where but it wouldn’t matter because I’m with you. I want to watch the stars with you while we’re laying in an old van in the outskirts of town.

I want to be brave. I want you.

Caged Mind

Fireflies glowed in the jar she had so carefully imprisoned them in. Like them, all she desired was to conquer the darkness with the fire that violently roared within her heart. But people did not understand. People wanted her caged.

All this because most people lusted after a free, wild mind, but they were yet to master how to acquire it.

Escape

Dew drops on frizzy, coppery hair. 

Running through open meadows under clear blue skies while laughter echoes.

Sniffing and plucking lavender flowers as the purple stains pale denim jeans and white t-shirts.

Pretending there’s liquor in the styrofoam cups and not homemade lemonade.

Staring at nothing in particular but seeing everything all at once. Because… well… it’s all in your head.

Needs

Teeth sink into dry lips.

I need water. No. I need you to stop staring at me. I need you to avert your gaze from my eyes. I need you to let go of my hand. I need you to stop fixating on me as though I was the only creature in this damned world. I need you…

Shaky hands touch damp skin.

I need a towel. No. I need you to love me. I need you to hold me until daybreak. I need you tell me that everything’s going to be alright. I need you to tell me bad jokes and silly stories. I need you…

… maybe I just need you. 

Sigh.